


A Part of Letting Go

by VeronAleen



Category: Babii, offgun
Genre: Failed Relationship, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Love, Healing, M/M, Moving On
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:33:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26049583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeronAleen/pseuds/VeronAleen
Summary: Off could be branded as the best boyfriend you’ll ever have. He’s playful, kind, sweet and has a great sense of humor. So, when his boyfriend, Gun asked to break up with him, he couldn’t understand where it all go wrong. But just like how fast a flower bloom in spring, Gun’s love for him withered and all he could do is to let go.
Relationships: Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat
Kudos: 21





	A Part of Letting Go

It’s Saturday and like usual weekends, Off’s been with his family since yesterday night to enjoy for their two-days out of town vacation. Everyone seems happy for all of them was able to enjoy for a while after months of stressful life in the city. Almost all of his family members are present and it’s just lucky for them to rent a whole apartment here in Baguio. He wasn’t able to get a good sleep last night because the room’s too cold despite the AC being turned off so he’s been awake for about 24 hours already but for some reason, he’s still not sleepy that he couldn’t even yawn.

Instead of staying inside the room, he decided to grab his jacket to visit the balcony to have some fresh air. The sun isn’t rising yet but he could still see the beauty of the pines trees around the place which added coldness to the breeze, making him shiver and feel cold. The street are being lightened up by street posts and he could see some people who are walking and having runs. The place looks peaceful, solemn, and soulful and he thought that he’ll miss this once he finally got back to the city where tons of papers and books are waiting for him. He may not be enjoying the noise being created by his nieces and nephews, or the non-stop bickering of his brothers but he should say, it is fun seeing them in a single place where they won’t be bothered by anyone.

Off hugged himself when the wind suddenly blows causing him to feel intense cold. It was something that he likes and although he’s shivering, he still doesn’t want to go back in his room because he likes the view down their place. He couldn’t stop thinking someone he used to like back then—someone who loves to visit Baguio when they were still together—Gun. That boy told him before that whenever he felt like he’s cold, remember that even in the coldest place in their country, he’ll be able to feel the warmth as long as he’s with the right person.

“Uncle Off”

He turned his gaze when he heard Nanon’s voice. He saw the kid walking slowly towards him, wearing a white jacket thicker than his with cups of coffee on both of his hands. He smiled as the Nanon offered the other to him.

“You woke up too early, what’s up?” Off’s the one who started the conversation. He waited for about a minute before Nanon answered him.

“I wasn’t able to sleep” Nanon took a sip of his coffee, he flinched as he tasted how bitter it is. He then gave off a deep sigh, making his breath vapor visible to his uncle.

“We’re just the same. I’ve been awake for almost twenty-four hours,” Off said, staring at his nephew who is currently looking so worried. “Something’s bothering you right? Tell me,I’m all ears”

“Well, Chimon and I, we broke up” Off saw how Nanon bit his lips hard and he could tell that it left a cut. Nanon starts to scratch his temple continuously, getting faster and harder, so he held his nephew’s hand to make him stop. This is one of Nanon’s bad habits that he always observed—whenever the kid’s worried, mad or confused, he tends to hurt himself without knowing.

Nanon is his closest nephew. The nineteen-year-old boy is Tay and New’s adopted child and their ages aren’t that far from each other. Off’s just four years older than him making them closer than the others. Tay is eight years older than Off and it’s been almost five years when they decided to adopt the kid. At first, he was worried because of the thought that his brother and New, will have a hard time to take care of the boy, knowing that he’s already on his teenage year—an age when they’re mostly confused and easily swayed by temptations—but Nanon proved him wrong. He was such a good kid and sometimes he wonders why the boy was left by his biological parents but at the same time, he’s glad that his brother was able to get him, at least he knows that his brother will take care of Nanon.

Off took a deep breath and sip on his coffee. He’s still holding Nanon’s hand, worried that he’ll continue scratching his temple and leave a wound. When he felt like the kid’s already a bit calm, he let go of him.

“Since when?” he asked, looking intently at his nephew whilst waiting for his next actions and words which will come out of his lips.

“Three days ago,” he paused as he remembered the last time he saw Chimon “He said that he fell out of love and he doesn’t feel anything when he’s with me anymore. He said that I should let go of him and move on” Nanon’s voice starts to crack and Off could feel that he’s trying to stop himself from crying but the pain that Nanon’s feeling is so strong that he wasn’t able to feel the tears rushing on his cheeks. Off felt bad seeing him looking miserable so he placed his coffee on the small round table next to him and hugged Nanon tightly.

“Kid, that’s something that we couldn’t stop” he rubs his nephew’s back slowly. He can feel how Nanon shivers so he took his cup and place it next to his. “You see, we can’t stop our hearts from falling in love or falling out of love”

Nanon’s silent cries turn into loud sobs but Off couldn’t stop him and he wouldn’t like to stop him. He could remember how he cried like this when Gun told him the same thing. He cried for months, he suffered for weeks and was in pain every day. It was something no one could ever imagine or expect from someone like him who is always smiling and happy. Even he couldn’t explain how he was able to survive such heartbreak.

“Nanon, I understand what you feel. I’ve been there” Nanon looked at him, his eyes are still wet because of the tears continuously forming on his eyes. “but I was able to surpass that stage, and I believe that you will also be able to do it” he gave him an assuring smile.

“Tell me” Off can tell how desperate the kid is despite his cracking voice “I would like to forget at fast as possible”

“That’ll be impossible. There’s no easy way for you to easily forget someone whom you gave your heart” he saw disappointment on Nanon’s eyes but he couldn’t lie to him.

“Should I tell you about it? Though that was years ago, I could still tell you some about us” Off keep his smile plastered on his face. He knows that everything about him and Gun is still fresh at the back of his mind as if it happened just yesterday. His feelings may resurface but he would like to know if the Gun could still make him feel things, he would like to test it himself.

Nanon replied with a nod so Off helped him to sit on one of the chairs placed in the balcony. He made sure that he’s facing Nanon. He touched the cup with a hope that the coffee’s still warm enough for his stomach, but to his dismay, the warmth’s long gone.

“This might be a long and weird-ass story” Off chuckles before he starts

* * *

**_School Year 2015-2016, Month of August_ **

_Off was on his way to their building after having their lunch. He was with his friends earlier but he decided to visit the library first to get some books related to their biology class and let his classmates go back to their room first. Biology was his favorite subject for he loves every living thing he knows. Off’s the kind of student who loves to explore and biology made him appreciate things more than before. He’s just amused with the fact that everything that he could see might be living and should be taken care of by him—some called him geek because of that._

_When he reached the third floor where their room is, he decided to check Gun first. Gun’s the small kid from the College of Arts that he’s been liking since he started schooling in this university. Gun’s small features, deep dimples, and fragile look made Off wonder how he should be taken care of. That’s when he started to realized that he had feelings for the boy._

_Suddenly, their eyes caught each other and all Off could do is to smile at him. Gun smiled back, showing his dimples that Off had always wanted to poke. Their professor is nowhere to be found in the room so Gun stood up and came to him. Off felt nervous as he watched Gun walking towards him—he clenched his chest, feeling his heart that would like to slam its way out. Gun wasn’t doing anything but he could feel a tingling sensation on his stomach and it’s getting weirder and weirder._

_“Why are you here?” Gun’s smile still plastered on his face, making the older felt more nervous as he wanted to throw up_

_“Just passing by” what the hell Off, pull yourself together, he couldn’t help but to tell curse himself “Uhm, would you like to have got something to eat, wait oh no. I asked the wrong question. Would you like to eat with me later, during dinner maybe?” Off said, trying to calm himself. His knees are getting weak and he felt like he’s about to fall. Gun’s effect on him is just so strong._

_Gun knit his eyebrows as he shyly refused Off's offer_ _, “I’m sorry, I have to meet Jay. Maybe next time?”_

_Off, though disappointed couldn’t push Gun to come with him. Jay and Gun had been together for two years already. He knew his place and he’s aware that Gun will always choose Jay over him—because Gun love his boyfriend that much and he couldn’t stand against him._

_“Yeah sure no problem, enjoy your dinner date with your boyfriend,” Off said before he caught his professor going upstairs, taking big steps towards their room. “Oh, shoot I need to go. My professor’s about to enter the room”_

_“Yeah, sure! Watch out with your steps, you may slip” Gun waved at him, his eyes following Off’s every movement, making sure that the taller is careful enough while walking. “So funny”, he said before going back in his room._

* * *

**_School Year 2015-2016, Month of September_ **

****

_It’s the Department week and everyone is taking their time to work with the other departments for the different activities to be held within the whole week._

_Department week is considered as the most important event for every year. During the whole week, there will be no classes and none of the professors are telling them to pass activities or projects for additional credits because everyone is busy enjoying. It is the most awaited week when everyone has an opportunity to communicate and build relationships with the students from the different departments._

_Off could remember the first time he was able to meet Gun—it was also during the department week. He saw him painting alone at the garden, skipping his lunch because he was tasked to finish the whole backdrop of their department. He couldn’t forget how messy Gun was back then with paint all over his shirt and face. He laughed at him, making the guy stared at him, wondering the reason why he was laughing hard. That time, they had built a strong bond as he helped Gun finishing the backdrop. They became friends since then. That was 2 years ago, and just like before, Gun is still in a relationship with Jaylerr._

_Lee asked for Off’s help for he would like to join the battle of the bands which will happen on the last day of the week. Lee’s group was having a hard time for they lack someone who could play the bass and there’s only one person he could think of helping him—Off. Off was never good with any instrument except for one which is the bass. His dad thought him how to play before and he won’t be able to forget how many times he asked his dad to buy him his own string instrument. He fell in love with it the moment his fingers ran through the strings, creating strong and powerful sound. It was his complete opposite—Off was always naive and gullible, so the thought of holding the bass and playing it made him felt like he could be someone he wanted to be, someone everyone loves not because he’s the first one to love them, but because he looks like someone who deserves to be loved._

_“Off, you should be at the practice studio by seven o’clock pm so we could practice longer” Lee reminded him of the time. They only have a few days before the event and everyone’s expecting their entry from the College of Architecture._

_“Yeah, don’t worry. I just need to finish some tasks. You see, I haven’t finished helping the others for our float. I told them I’ll help with the designing” Off replied to him._

_Their department has been the champion for the past three years when it comes to float making. Their floats are usually extravagant, beautiful, and unordinary and it’s given since their department is known as the home of the great artists. They aren't called architects for nothing. For this year, they are still hoping that they’ll be able to get the trophy again. Off’s also one of the head designers since he’s already in his third year. He needs to get extra credit._

_Off stayed with Alice and the others for almost the whole day, planning and starting their layout for float. He was exhausted for he wasn’t able to even take a seat and rest. There were only five boys for today’s schedule and all of them are taking the heavy work whilst the ladies are doing the painting and cutting. He expected that he’ll be doing more than this but he never expected that being one of the heads could cause him too much trouble and stress._

_“Hey Off, please give me that piece of wood. I’ll be using that as a stand for the draft” Alice commanded him. She’s been dating his best friend, Arm for almost a year so it makes sense that she could be bossy at him sometimes. But despite that, Alice has always been fond of him and she never did anything that could hurt him emotionally or physically._

_Off gave her the wood and his eyes accidentally saw her watch. It’s already past six o’clock. He wasn’t able to check the time for he was so damn busy that he totally forgot about the rehearsal. He won’t make it in time if he’ll still waste a few of his minutes in the place._

_“Hey Alice, I’m sorry but I need to go now” Off said, placing all of his things in his bag. He still needs to go back to their dorm to get his bass and Lee will definitely kill him once he arrives late._

_“Where are you going? We’re still not yet done” Alice attests, still holding the piece of wood given to her by Off earlier._

_“Practice. I’ll be playing during the battle of the bands” a smile curved on Alice’ lips but it was just fast that Off wasn’t able to catch it anymore._

_“Really? Ok then take care. You need to stay longer tomorrow though” Off just nodded and left the place in a hurry._

_He was frantically running when his eyes caught someone running towards the garden—Gun. The boy was covering his eyes with his hands whilst running without looking on his way, making Off worried about the younger. He glanced on his phone’s screen, contemplating if he should rush home to get his bass or follow Gun who’s now nowhere on his sight. Of course, Off did the latter, placing his phone in his pocket and ran after Gun. “I’ll be surely doomed” he whispers, hitting his head because of frustration._

_When he reached the Garden, he instantly searched for Gun. Their school’s garden isn’t that big but the place is surrounded by big trees and tall plants making it hard for him to see Gun in an instant. After a few minutes of roaming around the place, he finally found what’s he looking for. Gun was sitting in between the yellow downy sunflowers. He saw how he plucks the petals of one of the flowers, one after another._

_Off could hear soft sobs from him, it was soft enough not to be heard by the others but him. He was always attentive to Gun ever since and seeing the boy crying alone while throwing all of his frustration to an innocent flower made him felt the pain that he couldn’t understand._

_He took his steps, getting closer to Gun who is still unaware of his presence. He sits next to him and Gun wasn’t able to hide his tears from him anymore—because he won’t believe him since he’s been looking at Gun’s back for a minute or two before deciding to get close to him._

_“What are you doing here, Off?” Gun’s trying his hard to wipe away his tears flowing on his cheeks. “You shouldn’t be here”_

_“Why are you crying” Off was straight forward, he doesn’t want to go around the circle and rather, he would like to hit the bush as soon as possible. “No need to lie, I’ve been watching you since you started to pluck those petals” Gun stared on the ground, seeing yellow petals scattered on the green surface._

_“Off, we broke up. Jay and I broke up” Off couldn’t react when he felt Gun’s soft hands on his waist, crumpling his shirt and resting his forehead on his chest. He couldn’t move and he could feel his heart racing as if he ran for miles. He clearly heard what Gun said—he was thinking if he should be happy with the news or not but based on Gun’s cries, he couldn’t dare to be happy. The boy he likes looks so devastated and he cannot do anything but to tap his head with his right hand and support Gun’s back with the use of his left hand._

_He felt a vibration in his pocket so he carefully pulls out his phone, trying not to make an unnecessary move so Gun could keep on hugging him._

_From: Lee_

_To: Off_

_Off, you’re late. Where are you? Others told us that you already left._

_Off starts pressing the keys of his phone after reading Lee’s message. He knows it’ll be impossible for him to attend the practice anymore. He doesn’t have the guts to leave Gun alone._

_To: Lee_

_From: Off_

_I’m sorry, I’ll skip. There’s an emergency._

_After sending the message, he immediately put his phone back in his pocket and continue to caress Gun’s soft black hair. “Don’t worry, Gun. I won’t leave you”_

* * *

**_School Year 2015-2016, Month of October_ **

_Off couldn’t believe the number of people lining up in front of their room to see him. The hallway isn’t overcrowded but he could see more than ten students who are looking and checking on him whilst their professor is teaching. Whenever he looks at their window or their door, the students will wave their hands or give him flying kisses making him cringe a little. Lee couldn’t keep his smile whenever he sees Off’s reaction. Even he couldn’t believe what happened a month ago which changed Off’s life._

_Off wasn’t able to attend for the first practice because he said that he had an emergency but Lee didn’t believe him. Arm said that Off went somewhere with Gun for some reason. Lee is aware of what Off feels towards Gun—the truth is, everyone’s aware except for Gun. So, when he heard the news that Gun and Jay broke up, he acted as if he was mad but he was actually rooting for Off._

_Four days before the event were the worst days for Off for everyone’s looking and asking for his help since he’s one of the best students in their department—he’s almost good in everything. But because of the way he acts and looks, he cannot be noticed by everyone. Lee told him that he should do some changes for himself which Off refused at first, but because he belongs to the band of Lee, he couldn’t do anything but to obey him. Lee did his best just so he could teach things to Off and add more confidence for the upcoming event. They changed his fashion sense, the way he walks, and also his hairstyle. Lee even commanded him to wear contacts. It wasn’t that hard for them since Off was naturally good looking_

_Everyone went crazy the moment Off starts to strum the bass, wearing his shiny suit, hair brushed up whilst his fingers keep on moving fast to hit each chord correctly. He doesn’t care about the crowd at that time. His eyes were closed, feeling every tune coming from the string instrument he’s playing, jamming with the band as the crowd cheers for them. Off gave all of his heart as he played—it was powerful and dynamic yet it was soulful as if he’s listening to the calming voice of his dad. When they finished their songs, all of the students shouted his name—it’s been a month and they haven’t recovered yet._

_“Your fans are waiting for you, good luck dude” Lee teased Off, “You shouldn’t have played very well that time”. Guy was able to hear what Lee said. He was also one of the members of the band and somehow, he made a strong bond with Off. Guy kicked the legs of Off’s chair, making him flinched because of the sudden impact._

_“Then we won’t be able to win and you’ll kill me” three of them laugh in silence, trying to stop their voices to be heard by their professor. “Help me later” Lee just nod with a smirk on his lips, so as Guy who’s already aware of what they should do just so Off wouldn’t be trapped_

_After a few minutes, their class finally finished. Off still feels awkward with the attention everyone’s giving to him. He wasn’t used to it and that’s why Lee usually looks after him. Lee was the one who talked to the students waiting for Off outside the room as he escapes secretly, moving quickly yet careful so his so-called fans won’t be able to catch him. Guy was the one who collected the gifts and letters supposed to be given to Off._

_“That kid is surely something” Guy snickered hearing what Lee said._

_“Surely he is” Guy responded, smiling to the girls swarming in front of them._

_Off was finally able to lose from the eyes of the others and find his way to the garden. The sun was scorching and he doesn’t want to go to the canteen since he’ll just have a hard time buying food. Their canteen is always crowded during lunch and he doesn’t want to be trapped again. So, instead of eating, he decided to take a nap as he lies on the green carpet of grass. Their garden has a roof so he wouldn’t get sunburns. He’s been lying for a couple of minutes, forgetting about his hunger when he felt something cold on his cheeks making him flinched. He heard a familiar laugh—it was Gun._

_“You haven’t eaten yet, I brought you some” Gun offered him food placed inside a container and a can of carbonated water._

_“How did you know?” Off slowly moved and sit next to Gun, opening the container revealing a rice meal which is still hot._

_“Lee messaged me, telling me that you might be skipping your lunch and I should look for you. But I know you’ll be here since you would like to be alone” Gun turns his gaze to Off who is now starting to eat. He just watches him intently taking his meal, drinking from the can he gave him earlier. Gun couldn’t imagine why he wasn’t able to see how adorable Off could be whenever he eats. The way his hand holds the spoon and how clumsy he could be to drop some rice on the ground. He couldn’t help but smile._

_“Off, do you like me?” Off choked when he heard what Gun said. He grabbed the drink and take it in one shot, clearing his throat. His eyes are still wide as he faces Gun who is still smiling at him—seems like he enjoyed the reaction of the taller._

_“What?! Why do you ask? Did Lee tell you something” it was obvious how nervous Off was because he couldn’t even look directly at Gun. He keeps on plucking the grass and scratching his temple, his cheeks are also flushed._

_“No, he didn’t tell me anything. I was just trying to guess that’s why I asked, it was just out of curiosity” Gun said with his hands on his cheeks being supported by his knees. “You can just tell me you like me though”_

_“Actually, I… I like you Gun” Off said with a shy smile, “I like you since before”_

_“Really? Then let’s date”_

* * *

**_School Year 2015-2016, Month of November_ **

****

_The month of November isn’t something special. It’s just one regular month when the students are doing loads of tasks and activities given by their professors as compensation for their lates or absences. What makes it different from the others is the fact that they need to do better than the usual and study until they can read no more since midterms is fast approaching._

_“What should we do with those plates? I haven’t submitted any design for a villa” Arm sighed as he stared on his paper with nothing but his name “Why do we even need to submit designs for a villa?”_

_“You know you wouldn’t want to not submit right? You should try looking around or watch some kind of videos which will give you an idea” Alice told him, opening his palm and giving the mechanical pen which waited for Arm long enough. “You see, I won’t get married to someone who doesn’t even know how to imagine a good place to live”_

_Off laughed at them. Seeing Alice and Arm being like this isn’t unfamiliar to him anymore. He could say that Arm is a very lazy kid who prefers to play around and enjoy but since he met Alice, he changed a lot. Alice doesn’t like to sugar coat things, she’s straight forward, making their relationship a bit different from the others. Once Alice starts to spit words, Arm cannot do anything but to agree._

_“Don’t tell me you would like to live in a villa?”_

_“I do. I mean, why not? Will you let me live on the streets? Because it might happen if you won’t start to do that. If I graduate before you, I won’t hesitate to leave you”_

_“Oh, Arm you should really use your skills in playing minecraft. You can build countless buildings there, even houses but you couldn’t do something about our tasks” Off laughed, almost gagging because of his saliva “You should think of me as your role model. Call me master Off”_

_“You think you’re funny?” Arm glared at him, but Off doesn’t care at all, “Off your humor kinda sucks”_

_“At least, I could make Gun laugh and that’s enough for me”, Off offered them a container with a sandwich inside. “I’ll go ahead”_

_“You’re done? You haven’t taken out anything from your bag” Arm looks panicked, with his eyes widening whilst looking at Off._

_“I’m already done. I finished it last night”_

_“Wow, I should thank Gun for taking good care of you” Alice gave him a teasing smile, Off just shrugged his shoulders and left running._

_Off isn’t dating Gun—not yet. He thought that it was too early for him to date the kid though he like him that much. When Gun asked him to date him, he humbly refused his offer because he doesn’t want to be insensitive. Gun just broke up with his two-year relationship with Jaylerr so he thought that Gun still needs some time to clear his mind before he dates him. Gun took it well and he isn’t mad of Off but of course, they become closer than before and sometimes, people thought that they’re dating which they never denied. Just let them be, we’ll end up being a couple anyway—the common words Gun tells him._

_The school garden became their usual place. They enjoyed the place despite the ground being covered with moss which usually causes stains on their white uniforms. Off’s love with plants never changed and the fact that Gun also starts to love it because of him made it more special so staying in the garden, talking about random things or short discussions about living became a habit for them._

_When he arrived at the place, he saw Gun looking intently on a brown leaf. He knew on the first look that it fell from one of the trees swaying with the wind. He looked up, only to found some more leaves falling, swirling as the wind tries to lead it somewhere._

_“What are you doing?” Off walk towards him, wearing his popular eye smile. But Gun’s too busy to look at him._

_“Wondering how leaves fall on the ground”_

_Gun sits on the ground. He taps the space next to him with his hands, telling Off to sit. Off easily understood what he would like to tell, so he removed his bag hanging on his shoulders and sit next to him. Gun immediately rest his head on Off’s shoulders with his hand still holding on the leaf he got earlier._

_“You said that they’re living things, right? Won’t it hurt them?”_

_Off laughed hearing what Gun said, but it seems like the latter was serious with his question, throwing his sharp glares at him. Off gagged when Gun pinch his neck, near to his Adams apple but he couldn’t get mad at the small guy. He actually found him cute because of acting like a kid._

_“I’m telling you; they won’t get hurt since they’re already dead” Off fixed his posture as he strokes Gun’s hair “things which are dead won’t feel hurt anymore if they fall” he stared at him, being awed by Gun’s beauty feels like a dream for Off. He thought that he’s lucky to be this close to the boy he’s been liking since then. Gun’s just so charming without even trying._

_“Do you think falling for me could hurt you?” Off paused for a moment. He felt chills all over his body and once again, his heart starts to beat fast as if it would like to slam its way out of his chest. He couldn’t think well, since the question never occurred to him, he was never prepared of the best answer to tell. It’s like he’s having a surprising recitation_

_“I don’t think so” Off isn’t actually sure, but that was the best answer he could think of. He’s sure of his feeling for Gun, his thoughts might be fuzzy because of the question but his heart is sure._

_“Why? You’re alive. You might get hurt from falling” Gun looked at him, his fingers twisting the leaf he’s been holding since earlier._

_“Because it’s you” Both of them exchanged smiles, a sweet smile that Off will always remember. Gun’s just so precious he couldn’t think what he’ll up to once he let go of him._

_“Gun, let’s date”_

_“You finally grew some balls”_

_The sound of laughs coming from the two boys heard in the garden—the sound of happiness and glee both of them are experiencing whilst hugging and caging each other in their arms._

_“I’ll ace the midterms, because of you, Gun”_

_“Just make sure or else I’ll break up with you”_

* * *

**_School Year 2015-2016, Month of December_ **

****

_The number of people at the mall is overwhelming and Off felt like he’s suffocating. Mixed perfumes and the increasing shoppers aren’t helping when Gun has been dragging him around for more than 5 hours already. His legs starting to get numb because of walking continuously since earlier. They entered a shop and Gun starts to roam around as if he never gets tired. Off on the other hand just look for an empty seat just so he could rest his tired legs._

_“What do you think about this? This bag looks good right?” Gun showed him a pink leather handbag. It’s not that big but he can say that there’ll be lots of things that may place inside it._

_“Looks good, let’s buy that” He answered with a convincing smile, but Gun wasn’t able to be swayed. He stared at the bag for a while and walks away, picking another bag but this time, bigger than the previous. It’s colored red and although isn’t leather, Off was sure that it has a good quality._

_“What about this?”_

_“Good, let’s buy that”_

_“You have the same answer with the previous, are you a robot?” Gun’s eyebrows are knitting because of frustration. He keeps on going back and forth, checking on the displayed bags one by one. Off could feel how pressured his boyfriend is, he could tell that Gun isn’t his usual self because of how he acts. He runs towards Gun with multiple paper bags hanging on his arms. He held his hands making Gun stopped walking in between the stalls._

_“I told you, you don’t need to worry. She’s kind and she’ll accept whatever you’ll give her” Off stroked Gun’s hair, trying to calm him. “She’ll like you, Gun, so just pick whatever you like. You don’t need to worry”_

_A couple of days ago, Off told Gun that his mom would like to meet him. It was easy for Off to tell his mom about Gun since his mom doesn’t really care about gender, she was actually happy when Off told her that he’s dating someone. His mom’s a widow since he was four years old, and it just makes sense that she’s open to everything since she’s been raising Off and his brothers, Tay and Joss, for years without any companion. She keeps on telling his son that he could like anyone, be it a girl or a boy, as long as he’s happy._

_“I’m sorry papii” Gun wrapped his hand around Off’s waist, not caring how others stare at them “I just want to get on her good side” Gun is still pouting and Off couldn’t help but to kiss his head._

_“You already did, when I aced the midterms” Gun instantly smiled upon hearing Off. Both of them chuckled as they make their way on the counter with the red bag Gun picked earlier._

_“Gun?”_

_Gun instantly looked behind him making him lose the smile on his face he was just wearing earlier. Off move closer to Gun. His gaze fixed on the tall guy now facing his lover. He’s wearing a black shirt with a beanie which looks familiar to him. If he’s not mistaken, it’s one of the beanies Gun always wore when he was still a freshman. The color is bright and it doesn’t compliment the guy was wearing but for some reason, it still looks good on him._

_“Jay, what are you doing here?” Off could feel the tension between the two but he couldn’t do anything. It has only been 2 months after they broke up, so it’s acceptable that the two could still have grudges to each other. He just stared at them, staring directly at each other as if there’s a thread that couldn’t be cut off._

_“Buy some stuff, I can see you’re with Off” Jaylerr finally throw his eyes to Off with a straight face “ Wow, Off you really changed a lot, you kid of… you kinda look like me” Off froze, he couldn’t even react to what Jay said. He felt like he’s mocking him but he just stared at him, teeth-gritting “Don’t get me wrong ok? I mean, you look good. We have the same eyes so I said we look alike”_

_Off felt Gun’s hand gripping his arms tightly, causing him to look at the younger. Gun gave him a smile—a smile that seems to look awful rather than comforting. Gun’s hand slides down reaching for his hand, intertwining their fingers. He isn’t sure what to feel, his mind’s a bit fuzzy because of what’s happening._

_“We’re dating” Gun stated, he saw how the smirk on Jay’s lips faded “It’s been a month already”_

_“That was fast” Jay snickered, “I never thought you’ll get over me that fast… or maybe you haven’t gotten over me yet?” Jay’s eyes got back to Off. He never felt so mad like this before. He knew what the guy would like to say and he hates the way he affects him that much. He shouldn’t be feeling this way._

_“Sir, here’s the bag” Gun immediately grabbed the paper bag and looked at Jay._

_“We’ll be leaving now Jay. Let’s go papii” Gun dragged Off away from the store. He doesn’t care about being trapped with the swarming number of shoppers inside the mall. All he could think of is to get out as fast as possible, so he wouldn’t be able to see Jay again._

_It’s been two months, but he couldn’t lie to himself that when he saw Jay earlier after trying to avoid him for the past months, he felt things—he felt like his heart’s about to explode, he would like to shout at him but seeing Off with that state made him felt like he needs to calm himself so he could comfort Off. He knows what his boyfriend is thinking, for he’s been quiet since they hailed a taxi._

_“Don’t think too much about it, papii” Gun rest his head on Off’s shoulder as he held his hand “He doesn’t know anything about us”_

_Off would like to believe Gun, but he couldn’t remove what Jay told him earlier—you kinda look like me, we have the same eyes—those words keep on bugging him but he decided to trust Gun._

_“Gun you like me, right?”_

_“I do,” Gun said, with a reassuring smile. “Of course, I like you”_

_Off felt his phone vibrating. His mom’s number flashed on the screen, calling him. He looked at Gun first before answering the call. He turned it on speaker so Gun could also listen to her._

_“What’s taking you so long to pick him up? It’s been hours” her mom’s excited yet irritated voice was heard on the other line._

_“We’re on the taxi now, few more minutes and we’ll be there,” he said, finally a smile curved on his lips._

_“You’re too excited mom” they both heard how Off’s mother laugh and Gun couldn’t help but smile. He felt like all of the confusion he had earlier is now gone. “I’ll talk to you later, mom”_

_Off drop the call after his mother bid them goodbye. He placed his arm around Gun, feeling his body next to him. “I love you, Gun. I love you so much” he said then kissed Gun on his head._

* * *

**_School Year 2015-2016, Month of January_ **

****

_Gun has been having a hard time since his last encounter with Jaylerr. He couldn’t think well these past few days especially when he accidentally meets Jay in the hallway, walking with some students on his sides. He couldn’t help but stare for a moment, feeling his pounding heart beating loud enough from him to hear it. He was supposed to avoid the guy but it feels like fate isn’t agreeing with him and he often sees him more than before._

_“Gun are you alright?”_

_He got back on his senses when he felt Off tugging him. Their classes are done and Off offered to bring him home. His mom kept on telling him not to let go of the kid alone, she likes Gun so much that sometimes he got jealous of the attention given to Gun by his mother, but whenever the two are having an interaction with each other, he felt undeniable happiness since both are people whom he treasures the most._

_Gun just nodded as a response, but he’s not really fine. His head’s fuzzy and it feels like he’s about to puke because of the headache due to countless sleepless nights thinking about what he should do about himself. He wasn’t like this a month after his break up with Jay, but now that he’s been seeing the guy in almost every part of the school, he can’t help but think about how he’s been doing or is he also dating someone, just like him._

_“Off, you go ahead, I forgot to do something in the library” he let go of Off’s hand and run away from his boyfriend. It was too fast that Off wasn’t able to react anymore. He was left there, dumbfounded in between the students passing by._

_Gun looked for the nearest toilet he could find. He aimed for the last cubicle and as soon as he went inside, locking the door, he starts to puke, almost hugging the bowl. He felt sick, his tears forming on his tear duct, and ready to fall anytime. He doesn’t even know why he’s crying, but his sobs became louder until he heard someone knocking on the door._

_“Someone’s inside, can’t you see it’s locked?” Gun was able to say in between his sobs._

_“Gun, are you alright?”_

_Gun knew to whom that voice belongs, he knew it very well. It was the same voice calling him every morning for the past two years, the voice which sounds calming to him despite being deep and strong—missing the voice is an understatement for he was dying to hear it again. He froze, we couldn’t even utter a single word and his warm tears are now falling down his cheeks, nonstop. That was the same question Off asked him earlier, but hearing it from Jay sounds different to him; he felt like he’s home._

_“Gun, this is Jay. Can you hear me?”_

_Gun opened the door, revealing himself, looking filthy. His eyes were red because of crying, his hair’s messy almost covering his eyes. He was just staring at the tall guy in front of him, looking so worried. Gun felt Jay’s familiar hands wrapping around his thin waist, feeling his body against him. It was so familiar to him that he couldn’t help but close his eyes, reminiscing how Jay used to hug him tightly when they’re still together. He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t even move. He just let the taller hug him and he would lie to himself if he’ll say that he didn’t miss Jay’s touch._

_They remained standing for minutes whilst Gun’s caged on Jay’s arms, stroking his hair, planting soft kisses on the top of his head. He missed this, no he missed him._

_“Babe, please come back to me. I still love you”_

_Gun opened his eyes, facing the wide mirror of their comfort room. He stared at himself—he looks pathetic hugging someone who broke his heart a few months ago because of kissing a random girl he met in a bar. He could still remember how Jay asked for his forgiveness, kneeling in front of him, trying to explain what actually happened but he didn’t dare to lend an ear and now he could hear him, asking for him to come back—it feels like a_ _déjà vu_

_He would like to say yes, but an image of Off smiling with him at the garden keeps on appearing on the back of his head, reminding that he has a boyfriend who loves him so much. Gun this is wrong, don’t do something that you’ll fucking regret—those are the words repeating on his head, like a cassette recorder being played on a loop._

_Gun pushed Jay away from him making the taller stumble, almost falling on the floor but lucky enough to hold on to the sink. He was in shock upon seeing Gun, pulling his hair with too much force as if he would like to rip them off._

_“This is so wrong, I already have Off and he’s waiting for me,” Gun said to him, hoping that Jay could understand, but Gun knows that he was just telling those words to defend himself. He hates that Jay could still affect him this much but he hates himself more because he couldn’t believe that he’s having doubts about his feeling for Off._

_Gun ran out of the comfort room and it was too fast for Jay to caught his hands and stop him. Gun walked fast, whilst fixing his hair, he forgot that his bag’s with Off. Gun isn’t expecting that he’ll see Off anymore since he took so long for him to leave the comfort room, but when he reached the bench near their school’s chapel, his heart fell and the guilt starts to creep all over his body, making him feel all the pain._

_“It’s Off, Gun. Don’t think about, Jay”_

* * *

**_School Year 2015-2016, Month of February_ **

_“That looks so dull, Guy! Come on place it in the middle. I would like him to see his face once he entered the room”_

_Off has been commanding his bandmates for a while now. His voice could be heard on the four corners of the room, echoing. He would like to have a little surprise for Gun since they’ve been dating for months now and he wants to do something for him since it’s Valentine. Although he’s been receiving countless chocolates, flowers, and gifts from the others, he doesn’t care at all—he only cares for one and that is Gun._

_“Hey Off, there’s another one who would like to give you a chocolate” Lee said with a teasing smile. Off looked at the door and saw Mild, holding a 3-layer cake, brows knitting whilst her hands are shaking. Off instantly runs towards her and get the cake._

_“What the hell, you should have helped her!” Off told Lee but Lee just shrugged his shoulders and laugh. He playfully hits Mild with his elbow, making her throw a fuss at him._

_“Off aren’t you overdoing yourself? This is too much for a valentine's surprise. Are you an event planner?” Mild shook her hands for the numbness is eating her whole arms. She’s been holding the whole cake from the entrance up their room on the third floor—not mentioning how heavy it is. Off ordered it from her mom’s bakery last night around seven pm. She thought that her mom wouldn’t agree with the sudden order but when she told her that it’ll be a three-layer cake, she started to run towards their kitchen and plan the design._

_“No, Gun deserves the time and effort” He gave them a smile, a genuine one. A smile which worries all of them inside the room for they know that Off and Gun aren’t doing well these past few days. They’re helping Off because they thought that maybe this surprise could do something for them, could remove the spaces starting to grow between the two of them._

_After a few hours of preparing the room, Off received a messaged from Gun telling that he already arrived in the school. Off told the others regarding the message and all of them starts to rush out the room. They were asked to lead Gun’s way up to their room, giving him yellow downy sunflowers that Gun loves to play with. Off would like to make it different, when everyone’s giving their lovers red roses, he decided to use the flowers that made him fell for Gun more. The flowers that remind them of their moments in the garden, the flowers that witness them whenever they’re happy and laughing together._

_Gun doesn’t know what to feel, he wasn’t sure what’s happening but he just keeps on receiving the flowers. They look small, plain, and simple, but for some reason, it reminds him of only one person who always takes care of him. The person he’s been dating for months already, the person who picked up his broken pieces when he himself couldn’t even dare to pick—Off, Off Jumpol._

_He ran, not minding the others who are still offering him yellow flowers. He rushed through Off’s room and when he opened the door, he saw his face plastered in a yellow board, covered with yellow petals. The room is filled with green and yellow as if he isn’t inside the room—it feels like they’re in the garden. He couldn’t imagine how much effort Off could have exerted bringing the whole garden inside their room. Veins are hanging on the four corners of the room; the chairs are placed properly on the sides and he could even see some plotted plants aligned to form a shape of a heart. It looks magical, isn’t the usual thing you can see during valentines—he couldn’t accept the fact that he’s been seeing Jay from Off when they’re so fucking different from each other._

_Gun took little steps, leading him to face Off who is holding a bouquet of Yellow Downy Sunflowers. Gun snaked his arms around Off’s waist, resting head on his chest. He could feel the loud beating heart of Off and he pressed himself more to him, listening to the loud yet peaceful sound of Off’s banging an unsteady heart._

_“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry papii” Gun couldn’t stop the sobs escaping from his mouth and Off couldn’t understand why he is sorry. This isn’t the words he would like to hear from Gun. He was expecting a ‘Thank you, Off’ or ‘I love it, Off’ but all he could do is to look at the figure, arms tightly around his body. Gun crying on his chest gave him vibrations he couldn’t explain—painful, it was painful and he isn’t sure why he’s feeling that way._

_It feels like a cry for something he wouldn’t like to hear._

_But instead of doubting his lover, Off hugged him back, stroking his hair and planting small kisses on the top of his head. “I love you, babe”_

_Fuck—Gun cursed at the back of his head – fuck why do you have to say that?_

_Gun cried louder and this time, he isn’t restraining himself anymore. He hugged Off, tighter than earlier, crumpling the bottom hem of his shirt. He hates it, he hates that after all the things Off had done to him, he could still think of one person whenever he’s looking at him._

_“I’m sorry, papii. I really am”_

_Off doesn’t want to think anymore, he doesn’t want to hear any explanation on why Gun’s saying sorry to him. Instead, he pushed himself to think that he was sorry because he was late, or because he wasn’t able to get all the flowers earlier on his way. It was supposed to be fourteen, but he only saw nine on his hands. That’s all he would like to think off, but he still couldn’t pull out to his system the time when he followed Gun to the comfort room, only to see him hugging Jay._

_Off never thought that falling for Gun could hurt this much_

* * *

**_School Year 2015-2016, Month of March_ **

_There’s only one month before the end of the school year so Off brought Gun to countless dates so he could maximize his remaining time with his boyfriend. He always brought him to malls to watch movies or to parks just so he could spend more time with Gun. He’s about to leave the school, he would like to transfer somewhere far from this place but he still couldn’t bring it up to Gun. But this day, he would like to be honest with Gun and tell him everything._

_Off brought him to the cinema once again, he could feel that Gun doesn’t want to but he told him that this will be the last for this week so Gun agreed. After the film, they walked around the mall, visiting different stores that Gun could almost memorize the interiors, he isn’t enjoying at all but he’ll be guilty if he’ll tell it to Off so all he did was to act that he’s fine. He tried to cover his stubbornness with smiles but Off could read him well._

_These past few days, Off could tell how distant they become to each other so he did his best trying to win Gun back. He tried to be playful, he prepared random jokes just to make Gun laugh, and he even gave him random surprises but it feels like everything is just enough for an hour or a day, then the next day, they’ll be the same—cold and empty, doubtful to each other and he feels like he’s trying so hard but he won’t be able to bring back the old times. Given the fact that they’re just dating for months, but Off couldn’t get hold of Gun anymore. It feels like no matter how hard he holds on to him, Gun’s the one who would like to let go of his hand._

_Off dragged Gun inside an arcade shop. He bought hundreds of tokens and enter an empty karaoke room. He starts pressing buttons of random song hoping that he could get a song that he knows. Gun isn’t sure what’s happening but he took the seat next to Off and grabbed the songbook, carefully turning its pages whilst Off’s singing his heart out. Gun isn’t familiar of the song, but he can feel that Off knows it very well. He’s even banging his head, feeling the loud sound of rock music._

_Gun scanned the sing book and his eyes landed in a song familiar to him. It’s not his first time to sing it, but for some reason, he felt like there’s a need for him to sing it right now so he pressed the keys and the title of the song flashed on the screen—Thinking of You by Katy Perry._

_Off gave the microphone to Gun. It isn’t the first time for him to hear the song, actually, he’s really familiar with since he’s been hearing Mild singing the song randomly whenever their teacher is out. But when Gun starts to sing the song, his heart starts to ache. The lyrics were heavy, the lines feel like sharp knives hitting his whole body, leaving severe cuts on his skin._ _Thinking of you by Katy Perry shouldn't hurt until you listen to how the love of your life sings it in front of you, crying his heart out whilst gripping tightly on his microphone, hoping that you could read between the lines and finally set him free._

_When I’m with him, I am thinking of you – it was always him. It was always Jay._

_He saw how Gun fell on his knees, his cries echoed all over the room—a mixture of guilt and desperation for air could be felt inside the small room. No one dares to talk and Off couldn’t move on his seat, he was just staring at Gun, waiting for the next thing he’ll do. The atmosphere feels suffocating, making Off clenched his chest. He would like to break the deafening silence. The song’s done and no more music could be heard inside._

_“Gun, if you’re doubting to choose between me or another person, don’t choose me” Off isn’t sure how those words escaped from his mouth, he was just thinking of what to say just so he could stop the ringing sounds on his ears._

_“Off, I’m sorry” Gun managed to speak in between his sobs “Let’s break up”_

_Off already expected this but he’s still confused and he couldn’t understand where it all goes wrong. He did everything just to save their failing relationship but he could only think of one answer—he’s not Jay, and he will never be. It’s a fact that he already knew even before he took the risk._

_“Gun, do you know why leaves fall on trees?” Gun looked at him, his eyes were swollen because of crying. Off paused to stare directly in his eyes, it hurts him seeing them empty “Leaves are falling because they couldn’t do their job anymore, they couldn’t feed the tree so the tree will take all the nutrients of the leaf, causing it to die and fall”_

_It wasn’t the impact from falling that could hurt you, it’s the fact that you couldn’t do anything anymore to satisfy him, leaving you with no choice but to let go_

_“Why are you telling me this?” Gun couldn’t understand what Off would like to tell him especially since Off could still smiling whilst holding his chest. He could tell that Off’s just showing a façade just so he wouldn’t feel guilty—Off was always like this, taking all the impact from the shitty relationship he asked in the first place._

_“I have one last question, Gun” Off tried his best to stop his tears from falling, keeping his straight face isn’t supposed to be that hard since he was used to doing it in front of his friends, but Gun isn’t someone he considered as a friend. He was always his home, his safe haven—the love of his life; was, for right now, Gun’s asking him for his freedom and he knows that he couldn’t do anything but to agree with what he’s asking, just like what he usually does._

_“All those times I was looking at you, for at least once, have you ever looked at me without thinking I was him?” Off can feel his nails digging on his palm, it hurts but the numbness crept all over his body upon hearing Gun’s honest answer, making his heart shattered into pieces like a glass being stepped on for a million of times. He clenched his chest; the pain was unbearable for him._

**_“I’m sorry, but everything about you reminds me so much of him”_ **

****

_It never occurred on Off’s mind how similar Jay and he could be. He always thought that Jay was cool and smart, being the top kid in their department isn’t easy. Aside from being indifferent department, almost everyone tells him that they’re way much similar than he expected—the way they talk, the way they eat, their smiles; everything is almost the same and maybe that was the reason why Gun became confused for months, thinking that he could replace Jay—but both of them were wrong._

_He moved closer to Gun. He held his cheeks, feeling its warmth as he wiped away his tears. He kissed his forehead before telling the words he never expected he’ll tell him._

**_“You’re free. Go back to him”_ **

_It’s over_

* * *

Off stared at Nanon. He now finally stopped crying because it has been an hour already since he started the story. The sun’s now visible on the sky making the surroundings more bearable in his eyes. He thought telling his story could open old wounds but it didn’t, making him smile and laugh about it.

“Wait, don’t tell me it’s done? You haven’t even told me how you moved on!” Nanon attests, stomping his feet making sure that his uncle could understand how disappointed he is. He didn’t wait for an hour just to listen to how his uncle sounds so pitiful in his love story but all did was tap his head slowly. “You even left school without telling him, what a waste of time”

“You move on, in your own way. We aren’t the same. I spent years just so I could finally heal” Off was laughing whilst seeing his nephew throwing tantrums.

“I want it to be shorter, I need to be healed as soon as possible”

“You can’t force yourself to heal, let it hurt until it hurts no more. Moving on is a process after all” he flicked Nanon’s forehead and gave him a teasing smile “Pull yourself together kid” Off looked at the trees dancing along with the cold morning breeze. He can witness how leaves fell on the ground, creating a big pile of dried leaves “Although you moved on, you won’t still forget about him”

“What do you mean by that? Don’t you forget someone when you moved on?”

“A part of letting go means leaving a part of your heart to the person you loved” He smiled at his nephew trying to see if the kid could comprehend what he’s saying “ It means that you may already move on, but a piece of you will always be with that person. You won’t be able to forget someone you truly loved”

“I wish memories left when people did,” Nanon told him with his lips pouting and brows knitting. He still acts like a kid.

“That won’t happen unless you’ll get an amnesia”

* * *

Off visited the famous Chocolate de Batirol in Baguio. He brought his laptop because he’s been working with a project somewhere in Manila where his client would like to open a coffee shop. He thought that he could get some idea whilst visiting the place since most of his co-workers are telling him to do so – they said the chocolate drink was to die for.

He went to the cashier, asking for a cup of chocolate and a piece of bibingka. He isn’t fond of sweets but he would like to try and get a taste since he’s already in the place. He picked a seat inside the restaurant and waited for his order. Just when he’s about to open his laptop, he heard a familiar voice.

“Off? Off Jumpol?”

He turned his gaze and saw the same small figure he had seen before. He’s wearing white polo covered with thick black jacket bigger than his size. He was smiling from ear to ear, showing his dimples.

“Oh, is it really you? Gun! It’s been a while” Off offered Gun the seat in front of him. He couldn’t believe that he’s seeing the person he was just talking about with Nanon earlier. He still looks beautiful in his eyes. “Are you alone?”

Gun took the seat and faced him. It was nostalgic as if they’re still in college talking in the garden. The place looks so much like their garden and Gun couldn’t stop thinking about it.

“I’m with Jaylerr” he said with a smile, and Off smile back at him—the pain is now gone. “Jay’s looking for a place to park, he just dropped me here”

“You’re still with him? wow, it’s been a long time” one of the service crew placed Off’s order on their table. “You guys are really meant for each other. I could still remember how you told me you could still feel warmth with the right person, seems like you finally settled with the right one”

Off saw how Gun’s face turns to red and he couldn’t help but laugh whilst seeing Gun’s flushed cheeks. He’s still shy even though it’s been a year of them being together. At some point, he envies Gun since he was able to keep his relationship with Jaylerr when he couldn’t still find someone he’s willing to settle with.

“It was all thanks to you,” Gun said, his smile is genuine “I wasn’t even thanked you for you transferred schools the next year” Gun took a sip of his chocolate, tasting the mixed bitterness and sweetness of it on his buds.

“We weren’t soulmates but we were something pretty damn close to that” Off picked up the stirrer and stir his chocolate drink, feeling its thickness “I needed to go, your impact to me was so strong, that I even need to transfer schools just to forget you. But I should thank you as well. You taught me to let go of something important to me because it wasn’t mine since the beginning”

Gun bit the side of lips and Off saw it. He doesn’t have any intention of making the other guy guilty but he became too blunt these past few years because of everything he had gone through and maybe, Gun isn’t used to it since he was always soft when they were still together.

“No need to feel guilty, I’m happy that you’re happy with him. The feelings I have for you faded a long time ago” he gave Gun an assuring smile before sipping his drink, making Gun’s smile back on his lips. It’s true, Off was happy that he was finally able to let go of his feelings for his first love. The pain was all gone and seeing Gun in front of him felt like an answer given to the question he always had in his mind—the question “was I able to moved on already or I just thought I was”—he’s over him, and he was already sure with that

“So tell me Gun, when are you going to get married?”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it. This is just one of my random fiction about OffGun. I was wondering what will happen if they'll go on separate ways and I ended up writing this. I'm sorry for grammatical errors and spellings. Thank you very much for reading this


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